The gun felt heavy in my hand. I carefully looked at it. It mesmerized me. My stomach flipped as I thought how close I was to dying. I had the power to end my life. This gun was my path to freedom.
All the reasons I had to put the gun down were so far away. I couldn’t reach them anymore. I tried to find something, to find some thought that would make me put it down. Everything seemed hazy and dreamlike. There was nothing left for me to hold on to.
I slowly raised the gun and pointed it at my head. I was standing in front of a mirror and I did not know who I was looking at. I then heard a voice. It was calm, gentle, strong. “Why do you want to kill my beautiful creation”? “Why? Why do you want to kill my beautiful creation”?
Jesus, teach me that I am your beautiful creation.
Deuteronomy 32:10: In a desert land He found him, in a barren and howling waste. He shielded him and cared for him; He guarded him as the apple of His eye.
You are beautiful Julie. You have a beautiful and gentle spirit as well. No doubt about it, “Cancer SUCKS!!!! I hate it with my whole being! I cannot feel the pain you are going through so I can’t even imagine the emotions you are dealing with. BUT I am giving thanks now, that you, my friend, listened to that soft and gentle voice. Much LOVE.