The other day, I received a comment saying, “You are very strong to let yourself be so vulnerable.” It struck me as odd. Am I strong and vulnerable at the same time? It doesn’t seem possible to me. I looked up the definition of vulnerable: capable or susceptible to being wounded or hurt; open to moral attack, criticism, etc.
I thought about the definition and whether it applied to me. Am I capable or susceptible to being wounded or hurt? No way. I can’t imagine anything that could physically wound me from this blog. I’m accustomed to feeling pain. I like to stare down pain that comes from cancer, surgery or treatments. Really, cancer? Is that all you’ve got? I dare it to hurt me more. If it does and I can’t stare it down anymore, I have access to good drugs. It’s a win, win for me.
For a split second, I do feel susceptible to emotional pain. Wounds have healed, but sometimes they come close to the surface again and frighten me with their power. Emotional pain can threaten who I am and who I want to be. There are no drugs to get immediate relief. I’m afraid to stare emotional pain down. So, I release the fear and let my Father take care of it.
Am I open to moral attack or criticism? Yes, I am. Am I worried that someone may say something hurtful? No, I am not. I’ve spent too much time not knowing what I believe in and not believing in myself. I’ve come too far to back down now. God and I have talked about everything I write about. If He and I are good, nothing else matters.
I decided that yes, I am strong and I am vulnerable. Some people may not like what I write or disagree with me. When I speak from my heart and what I say is a testament of what God has done, He will use it for good. That is more important than any fear I have.
2 Corinthians 12: 9-10: But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.