On a bright and sunny Tuesday in late March, 2015, I had a doctor’s appointment with my GP. I had concerning symptoms and I wanted to get them checked out. My doctor ordered a CAT scan to make sure everything was OK. I had the CAT scan done the next day. They told me it would be at least 24 hours until I received results. Instead, within 2 hours, my doctor called to tell me I needed to see a colo-rectal surgeon.
I remember standing in my kitchen and listening to my doctor get out of breath as she rushed to get the phone number of a surgeon. She was saying things like “thickening of the colon wall” and “more than 10 lymph nodes”. I was waiting for her to say, “you will be OK” or “this isn’t anything to worry about.” After she gave me the phone number, I asked her if this was really that urgent. She paused and then loudly said, “YES!”
I called the colo-rectal surgeon. His office had already been contacted by my GP and they were ready to squeeze in an appointment for me the next day. After I hung up the phone, I put my head on the kitchen counter. Physically, I’ve never been really sick. My body always figured out a way to heal and move on with very little fanfare. My gut told me it really was urgent. I cried.
Within a few days, I was officially diagnosed with Stage III rectal cancer. I was completely overwhelmed by the outpouring of support. Cards, emails, food, prayers, well wishes, gift cards, offers to help with cleaning and home improvements! It was like Christmas just for me. People I haven’t heard from in years, even people I didn’t know, were reaching out to me. I don’t think I ever felt more loved and cared for. All of these wonderful people carried me through this past year.
I then thought back to the day I was diagnosed with depression. That day was one of many days I felt closer to dying than living. I held this diagnosis close to me. Struggling with depression is a lonely fight. Maybe that’s why it’s so difficult to make it out of the dark.
Romans 8:37 – Yet amid all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who has loved us.
Julie, you have valiantly made it out of the dark into such a glowing bright light of God’s limitless love given through all those many known and unknown people. There are truly no mistakes in His Universe! Through your courageous and inspirational writings we have a better understanding with more support to those suffering with depression. Thank you for enlightening me.