The Light that Will Shine Forever

Hello everyone! For starters I should quickly explain that I am not Julie. I am her son, Alex, and I wanted to give an update on her blog. I also apologize for the length, a lot to share!

I asked her awhile ago why she has not posted anything in a long time and she responded by telling me she is too tired, but God is still giving her guidance and she has drafted posts. I could understand why she would not want to dedicate a lot of effort to her blog, giving the treatments she was undergoing and just battling cancer itself. Her posts clearly depict the battle with cancer she faces. Her posts, however, do not give an overall view of my mother. I believe there are so many other battles she fought besides cancer and depression.

She fought a major battle with borderline tendencies. I am so grateful she won that battle, as suicide is common with borderline.

Mom also battled poor relationships. Significant others were just the surface of the many relationships my mom battled through, but she won each one of them. Repairing broken relationships, and forgiving all.

She battled being virtually a single parent. (Side bit, in no way is my father a bad father, he is an amazing father and I treasure our relationship as much as mine and mom’s, but that does not mean that he is without faults)

She always had her focus on me. I will never forget the day she told me she was depressed and contemplated suicide a few years ago. I had come home from college and she explained it to me. I shared with her the depression I felt around the same time. My step-father had a bunch of knives upstairs in our home. I remember one night after a particularly miserable day, I sat at the top of the stairs with one of the knives that had seemed to be calling to me for the past few days. I remember holding against neck, and then a thought came:”What is mom going to do to when she sees her only child dead, laying upstairs?” I quickly put the knife away and went to bed, happy to live on knowing mom is with me.

She saved my life that night, and I told her this. She told me how I saved her from suicide by being her focus and when she would get depressed she would think of me. We made a pact that night, neither one of us was allowed to commit suicide or the other would too. I remember the feeling of finally having something to live for, that being mom. She was now MY focus. I promised myself I would keep my mom alive forever, regardless of the obstacle. Unfortunately, I was naïve and that promise was eventually broken.

Mom passed away early yesterday morning around 4 a.m. and lost her one and only battle, cancer.

I am thankful beyond words to be her son, and to have such a wonderful, courageous, strong, and amazing person to raise me. She will always be with me, in my heart, in my soul, and in my thoughts. I know she touched each one of her readers at least once with a post.

There was nothing I physically wanted from my mom. I did not want money, or her jewelry or anything like that, I wanted something else, something more memorable to me, something I can build and share her legacy. I wanted a way to share her story, her battles, and her amazing victories. I wanted this blog.

Although I am nowhere near as prolific writer as mom (She disagreed and said I’d be a great writer, she always encouraged me), I plan on keeping this blog alive in memory of her and will continue to publish her stories and battles, and some of my own observations of her and those battles. I hope one day the world will know what a truly amazing person my mother was. This is my way of keeping that broken promise, by keeping my mother alive forever through this blog.

I love you mom, and I know you are with God in the heaven you envisioned smiling down upon us all and you will forever and ever be remembered. I love you mom, and you’ll always be my snuggle bug. 

John 11:23-26- Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.” Martha said to him, “I know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day.” Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?

14 thoughts on “The Light that Will Shine Forever”

  1. Through my aching heart and with all of my heart, I am delighted that Alex is continuing this blog. It will continue to honor the beautiful light called Julie Christine. We do not understand why she only received 49 years with us; but certainly she and God had a plan for her light to glow even brighter in heaven. And we take comfort knowing that she is looking down on us with her precious “do-de Anson’ smile. I love you my precious daughter.

  2. Please do not feel that you broke your promise or that she lost her battle. Cancer NEVER wins! Your mom is totally free of cancer now and it is no longer even a memory for her. Cancer is nothing to her! I say this as a survivor, and a recent one. The difference between your mother and I is that I still have to look over my shoulder and wonder if cancer will try again. I am NOT trying to make light of your loss. I just don’t want you to feel defeated in anyway. And please know your life has purpose still. Please so keep sharing and writing- about your mom and about anything else that is on your heart!

  3. Alex,
    Thank you for sharing this. It made me laugh and made me cry. Your mom was a very talented writer. She was a loving mom who loved you. I learned so much about how depression can be so real. I am blessed to have never know depression. I never really thought much about it or how hard it is for people who struggle. I will definitely try to be more understanding to others. May God bless you.

  4. Oh Alex! This is such a sweet tribute to your mom! You were her pride and joy! I am saddened I got to know her so late in her life; however I thought she was an amazing lady with a true gift. And what a fighter! I learned so much through reading her writings. She had a way of making your heart break, made you stop doing think and made you smile all in one post/blog. May you always know the TRUE love she had for you and the GIFT she gave you. Blessings!!!

  5. Alex, thank you for extending your mom’s passion on through this post. Clearly you two had quite the bond which is a precious jewel to he this life. I considered Julie my friend in high school. She was sweet and had a great smile but she was also authentic and funny. I’m sorry I did not know her as an adult but this post drew me a little closer to her and you. Thank you. May your days of healing bring much wisdom, joy and peace knowing she will always be with you in spirit. Big hugs for you Alex. Losing your mom sucks!

  6. I am deeply saddened by this news. I am glad to see you carrying on her work. She was an amazing woman and is proud you are fulfilling the purpose God called her to do. I will continue to pray for you in yor journey.

  7. I am deeply saddened by this news. I am glad to see you carrying on her work. She was an amazing woman and is proud you are fulfilling the purpose God called her to do. I will continue to pray for you in yor journey.

  8. Alex: Your grandfather and I were college roommates. Gary reestablished contact a couple of years ago and I am so thankful. Your Mom has been on my church’s prayer list for some time. Now you all will be.

  9. Thank you for this, Alex. I went to high school with your mom, and I remember her as a very sweet and friendly girl, always quick to smile. Grace and peace to you in this profound loss; you do not grieve as those who have no hope! Prayers for your comfort in the Lord.

  10. Thank you for continuing these blogs for your wonderful mother. I had a great opportunity to meet your mom few years ago and I am glad to know her for few moments and reading her blogs. She was and truly is an inspiration for bringing reflective strength in winning those emotional and relational battles.
    She will always be in our thoughts and she did an amazing job raising you to be a wonderful young man. She leaves a legacy through you and shall keep her memories alive.
    She is now in peace and with our Lord, our God.

  11. Thank you, Alex, for sharing your undying love for your mom. I am saddened to hear she lost her battle, but I know she is rejoicing with a new and perfect body in heaven. Peace to you and yours.

  12. I am so sorry to hear of your moms passing. She was amazing, and thank you so much for sharing. I’m praying for you and your family, take it one day at at a time. I enjoyed her blog and personal correspondences. I am so sorry for your loss.

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