It’s been almost two months since mom passed away, but the thought still stings just as if I was there again. Holding her limp arm, staring at her face, praying she’ll take that one breath and she’ll be back. Probably make a witty joke about all of it and want some ice cream. I stayed, holding her hand for what seemed like hours, and that breath never came. I sat there, holding her hand, bawling. My heart melted from the amount of sadness I was feeling, then something happened.
There was a tap behind me. I figured it was just one of the cats, but both came walking from the other side of the room. Then I felt arms around me, hugging me. They felt cold, but at the same time warmed me and took away the sadness. I didn’t want this hug to go away, but eventually the arms left and then I watched the door to the room open wide and then slowly close. I, without a thought, said “Goodbye mom”.
I’d give anything to have her hug me again.
That was the first instance. A little background before the next instance. Whenever I was with mom she personally would wake me up and sit on the bed next to me and we’d chit chat. It was one of those “Little things” we did that I’ll forever cherish.
After mom had been taken away, I went back to my room to try to get some sleep. I eventually fell asleep and dreamed about mom waking me up like she always did. It was at the point where she had sat down that I woke up. I stared at the spot next to me where mom was in my dream. I reached my hand out and felt that cool, yet warmth I felt before. Then it felt like a hand gently held my arm. It felt the same way mom held it for her last few days. Again, I didn’t feel sad, I felt secure and loved.
I knew it was mom again. I told her to come visit me from time to time, that I will miss her and I love her, and that everyone loves her and is so proud of her. Then I felt another hand sort of pat my arm the same way she did before she passed, and I watched my door open a bit and close. She was gone again.
But that’s not the 
lesson her and God are trying to teach me. Quite the opposite. Mom isn’t gone, shes all around and that was her way of telling me she will be.
Matthew 5:4-“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”
Alex, I am overwhelmed once more as I continue to learn so much about Dear Julie. I long to see her again, to hear that magical wit she had and hear the way she would tell me to get it together. But I can hear it still through your writings. Thank you very much and God’s love (and hers) surround you always. Mimi
I truly feel your lose and understand your experiences. I know she will continue to bless us with her presence. She’s watching over you and me more than ever….so watch out!! She’ll always be my best friend.
You truly have her skills in expressing your thoughts. You were/are her life. Love you!!
How wonderful